Bums

So.. in the previous post...
You might wonder...
Why would you give out your coins to some bum?

Because, despite how some people may think, Even if I'm a soulless bastard, I still have a heart. I may not believe in divine morals, I do believe in humanistic morals. Though not every atheist is a humanist, it's a very simple transition from one to the other.

But... usually I'm bit selective. If the bum is truthful... I once gave a man 5 bucks on the street because he held up a sign that said, "Poor, Homeless, Need beer fund"... Man deserves it for being honest.
I give money also to those who have a sense of humor about it. I once saw a guy that said, "Aliens kidnapped my daughter and wife... Need ransom money" Again... Gave him 5 bucks. On further thought of that a little time later... I am curious if he actually believed it...

Oddly I have no sympathy for those who are either genuine in their plea... or if they are attempting to seem genuine in their plea. Sadly because the amount of genuine plea is trumped from the disingenuous ones. And I've seen this first hand on many many occasions.

But... the mother of all charity is one of the mind....
I have once heard someone say, "Well.. at least the bum is reading a book while he's holding up the sign, At least he's trying to enrich his mind."
Sadly... I don't take up this sentiment, I'm bit more critical. Yes, reading a book can enrich your mind, and teach you things... but I highly doubt you can learn the secrets to life from reading a horror book. Yes, you can improve your reading capacity, your comprehension and an array of many skills associated with reading as an act. But, in the end the information contained in those pages are as fiction as a TV show is fiction. It no more enriches your mind than a Saturday night drama.
And sadly... some can... but never ground breaking, I can assure you.
So.. simply because a bum has a hold of a book, unless it's the work of Nietzsche, Einstein, Tyson (Neil deGrasse Tyson), or Hawkings it isn't much enriching your understanding.
And worst off... heaven forbid, if they were reading the worst tripe.... The bible.

But.. every so often, if I see a well-minded individual, I ask them a very specific question.
"Where has god been in your life?"
I await their answer in hopes they will answer, "God has never existed in my life, I do not seek god, do not assume he is there or even real. If he is, he has forsaken me and I him."
With that... I would unload all the money I have on my person.
This has only happened once. To a kind gentleman who wasn't holding up a sign, who was busily scavenging through the trash for cans. His answer was simple.

"There is no god. He can go fuck himself if he existed."
He was a bit defensive, he thought I was some religious nut trying to bring lost souls in.... well.. that's until I gave him.. 28 bucks I believe.... and told him that's the most honest answer and I was fishing for a realist.

Every person I have asked, even the most well-minded persons, either because they've been conditioned to answer it a certain way... or they just wanted the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Responds usually the same.... "Oh god has blessed me each and every day." "I can not get up in the morning without god." "I know god exist and will save us all"... bla bla bla...

One would wonder why god would allow you to suffer so then. To me.. I would have to give a portion of my life to take you out of the situation you're in, something I'm not always willing to do, I am quite selfish sometimes as is with human nature. and I'm willing to at least give you my time to hear you, and even some of my money if you are a well-minded person with a badly dealt hand at life.
But... to an all-powerful and all-able being.. who won't even spare a second's notice... admittedly wouldn't even cost him 1/100000000000000000000000~ of his resources to bring you out of your situation, has chosen to let you suffer.... how ironic that you lay prostrate at his feet and not at mine for sparing more time and more percentage of my resources to aid you.

The plight of kindness

So... today I was walking along. I saw this guy.... fairly old guy. Initially I saw him talking to someone in front of me... getting really close, like they knew each other, I didn't think anything of it.

As I got closer and the two parted ways... I saw he was holding a brown paper bag with a rim of a can poking out of the top. I suddenly smelled a strong stench of cheap beer. This man approached me. He was an older man, mid 50s... black man with a graying beard, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was wearing a beanie.
He stuck out his arms in a hug like fashion looking directly at me and smiling. I knew there wasn't anyone behind me, so I was obviously the focus of his attention. After seeing the pause on my face and stern look, he withdrew a bit and instead offered me a handshake. I gripped his hands in a standard handshake. And... this is where the story gets really odd.

He pulls me in... then says, "it's been a long time man... you remember me don't you? We're family."
Just as a matter of fact... I'm not black. So... I assumed he ment it in the loose term of all humans are family of a sorts.... I went with it.
OK, sure... I said.
He went on to jabber on and on... then said.. yeah.. you remember... in Vietnam.. you were with me all the while still in hand shake that he hasn't let go of, though I tried subtly on several occasions.
Erum... I'm not old enough to have been in the Vietnam war, I was born in California in the 80s....
I said that just in case he had some odd concept that I was somehow born or raised in Vietnam.
Anyways, he jabbered on in a slurred drunken speech. Then asked for a quarter.
Somehow... I felt kind today. Usually I wouldn't think to pay him any mind and just walk away... but today I felt generous.
I can admire a drunk man in the middle of the day enjoying his time. I personally prefer in the dead of night myself over the mid noon sun, but to each his own. A great many times I wish I had a buck or two while drunk to get me something to eat, I can sympathize.

So... I usually keep my "silvers" with me, and toss my pennies in my cup holder in my car, I reached deep into my pocket, and he actually let go of my hand to allow me to, I really just intended to give him one quarter... but again.. I felt generous, I took out the whole lot. umm.. about 85 cents worth. I handed it over to him.
The wide eye expression of gratitude made me happy..... but... I spoke bit too soon.

He instantly tried to reach over to give me a side hug... I stood firm and looked at him in a glare.... he half reached over to my other shoulder... but seeing how I didn't allow it... he backed off. Then again.. he offered his hand to shake, in my mind.. in sign of gratitude and in parting... I really shouldn't have shook it.... again.. he didn't let go again.

Now he looks seriously into my eyes and said... you remember me right?? We were at the CDC the other day... you saw my new wife... let me borrow a buck. I promise once we get to the UCD medical center over there.. I'll give it back....

My first thought was... O.o the Center for Disease Control? Huh?? I know your wife??
Then with bitterness I flatly said.. hey buddy.. I just gave you all my change, almost a bucks worth, and I've got to go.
This is when his grip became firmer and his demeanor bit more aggressive.

Hey... just a quarter then... please??
This is when my anger rose and a plethora of thoughts came flooding into my head. I responded with a tight grip of my own... and I may not look like it, but I used to power lift, so my muscles aren't bulky.. they're strong and tight... and it hasn't been so long so that my strength hasn't diminished.
I firmly said, Hey.. that's all the change I've got. I won't give you a dollar.

What was going through my head was... OMG, this guy is pissing me off. If he's going to try to mug me, he's doing a crappy job at it. Does he think he can try to intimidate me?... I know I look easily intimidated, but I've taken down guys twice his size.... OMG... am I going to have to beat up an old man in broad daylight? If he takes out a knife I'm gonna use it to stab him. If he takes out a blunt object I'm taking out my keys and use it with my knuckles. You crazy drunk bastard, I'll beat you bloody, go on I need to take my anger out on something. Take a swing, I'll break a few of your ribs.
Through the entire rage thought.. I had a prevailing thought that kinda didn't pertain directly to the events occurring and it went back and forth....

I really don't want to break my MP3 player... I really don't want to smash his face with it... I really want to keep my MP3s... I really don't want to buy another one....

Yes... I was concerned I had to use my MP3 as a weapon and that it'd break...
I know some one out there might say, "Well.. that's not very noble of you... Using objects and weapons when someone is fighting you with their fists".
Well.. guess what... I'm not the one stopping you from using weapons either. Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly fine with fist fighting, but I prefer weapons, I feel more comfortable and more at ease, even if I had the advantage bare fisted and they would if we'd both have weapons.... even if it was an MP3 player....

With the apparent shock of my strength, he loosened his grip a bit, at which point I dropped his hands and continued walking.
I quickly said, good day, I'm going to go. I wasn't sure if it was in a calm voice as I intended, or if my anger showed through... probably the latter.
Oh... his attempt to stare me down didn't work, he was quite a bit bigger than me and taller... I'm sure he saw the anger in my eyes.. I was ready to beat him down if he so much as made the wrong move... or if he didn't let go of my hand after a while longer.

After thinking about it... I really am happy, I am able to accept my anger as justified. As my younger self, I wouldn't have the notion of being angry, only afraid.... I don't think I was afraid in this case, just really pissed off this guy is stopping me and trying to abuse my kindness to him.

... Then after things calmed down a bit more... currently I'm writing this 40 min after the fact...
I kept thinking... CDC..... should I wash my hands and sanitize myself? I haven't yet washed my hand.

.................................
There.... hands washed and scrubbed....

That's what I get for feeling kind.
I probably should have gotten bubblegum with that money instead.... or something...